When Leaders Don't Hold Boundaries, Someone Else Will

When the boundary is crossed, if you avoid the courageous conversation, the problem does not go away. It grows legs and walks straight into your leadership space.

A secondary headteacher I coach recently found himself in exactly that position. Eighteen months into his headship, he was still fighting to establish his presence.

Why? Because the previous headteacher, now the trust CEO, could not resist slipping back into old habits.

Regular walkabouts. Operational comments. Staff bypassing the head and seeking decisions from the CEO instead.

Slowly, subtly, my client’s authority was being chipped away. He felt undermined, overshadowed and increasingly frustrated. Yet he also feared rocking the boat. After all, this was his boss.

In our session, he finally said the thing he had been avoiding: “I’m losing grip of my own school.”

And this is where the real work began.

Research on conflict resolution by Lewicki, Hiam, Stone, Patton and Heen is clear. When leaders sidestep conflict, uncertainty fills the vacuum. Power imbalances deepen, and misaligned expectations harden.

We explored how to bring clarity back, using evidence-based principles: be specific about the impact, stay curious about intention, and frame the issue as a shared problem rather than a personal attack.

He crafted a courageous conversation that was respectful, direct and anchored in the needs of the school. Not a plea. Not a complaint. A professional boundary reset.

Courageous conversations are not optional for leaders; they are core work. They protect trust, reinforce boundaries and stop small issues from shaping entire cultures.

Coaching gives leaders the thinking space and the language to face these moments with clarity rather than fear.

If you know there is a conversation you need to have but keep postponing, let’s talk.

Send me an email at info@claireplattcoaching.co.uk to organise your free discovery call. Courage is a muscle, and together we can strengthen it.

References:

Lewicki, R.J. and Hiam, A. (2011) Mastering Business Negotiation: A Working Guide to Making Deals and Resolving Conflict. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Stone, D., Patton, B. and Heen, S. (2010) Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. London: Penguin Books.

Ury, W. (1993) Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People. New York: Bantam Books.